HOW TO SING THE BLUES
Most blues begin: “Woke up this mornin’.â€
1. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line.
I got a good womanâ€"with the meanest dog in town.
2. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat itâ€"then find something that rhymes. Sort of.
3. The blues are not about limitless choice.
4. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or
a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
5. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues.
Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
6. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.
7. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
a. violet
b. beige
c. mauve
8. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall; the lighting is wrong.
Good places for the Blues:
a. the highway
b. the jailhouse
c. the empty bed
Bad places:
a. ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. weekend in the Hamptons
9. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.
10. Do you have the right to sing the blues?
Yes, if
a. your first name is a southern state--like Georgia
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis.
d. you can't be satisfied.
No, if
a. you were once blind but now can see.
b. you're deaf
c. you have a trust fund.
11. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.
12. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues.
Other blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. Irish whiskey
c. muddy water
Blues beverages are NOT:
a. any mixed drink
b. any wine kosher for Passover
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
d. Anything from Starbucks
13. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a blues death if you die during liposuction treatment.
14. Some Blues names for Women
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
Some Blues Names for Men
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Lightning
Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
Other Blues Names (Starter Kit)
a. Name of Physical infirmity (blind, cripple, asthmatic)
b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (lemon, lime, kiwi)
c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
15. Epitaph on a blues musician's tombstone: "I didn't wake up this mornin.’"
WOOOO HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL LOL LOL
that was FUNNY man!!! :) :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
got more?
make your own Blues names...
http://synth.no/node/view/185
http://www.webticker.com/blues/
"-)
is that the thing off analog man's website... ?
OMFG, hahaha
Brilliant!
:mrgreen: LOL. But why can't teenagers sing the blues? :(
Hey, a must for any bluesman is to be mistreated, dont forget that :D
Sleepy Legs Parker.
Hmm so if I get my girlfriend to kick me in the privates, would that count? :D
COOOLLLLL :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: .
QuoteHmm so if I get my girlfriend to kick me in the privates, would that count?
Damn, talk about suffering for your art!
Quote from: smoguzbenjaminHmm so if I get my girlfriend to kick me in the privates, would that count? :D
THat's PMT and dosn't count ;)
You've forgotten - take out teeth / put guitar out of tune / play useless solo!
:mrgreen: Ghehe lol
Q: Can blue men sing the whites?
Quote from: smoguzbenjamin:mrgreen: LOL. But why can't teenagers sing the blues? :(
Teenagers live with their parents and have nothing to be "blue" about. They are cared for. Jus cuz mommy won't let you go to the mall on a friday night with your "G's" and yer girl don't constitute anything remotley close to the blues :wink:
Actually my 'mommy' threw me outta the house ;) Long story I won't elaborate.
So I get the exclusive right to sing the blues 8)
You better have shot a man in Memphis then lol
:mrgreen: Ghehe
Hey smoguzbenjamin,
maybe you can sing "I woke up this morning and my soldering iron was gone"!!! :lol:
Steph.
That's true! :mrgreen: Well OK it's kind of exploded due to a short but anyway :mrgreen: Mmmm I can sing a blues about that ;)
Quote from: smoguzbenjaminThat's true! :mrgreen: Well OK it's kind of exploded due to a short but anyway :mrgreen: Mmmm I can sing a blues about that ;)
If you broke your soldering iron while using it to kill a man in Memphis...then maybe.
No, he broke his soldering iron trying to fix the gun that exploded when he used it to kill the guy in Memphis! :mrgreen:
:mrgreen: Whahaha! :mrgreen: This is immensely funny!
Quote from: smoguzbenjaminBut why can't teenagers sing the blues? :(
'cause they ain't fixin' to die!
was it a soldering gun he was fixing ?
Country guys often try to sing the blues...
But for some reason it consistantly turns 'bluer than blue'.
Lines like: I had a love was SO bad, So bab bad bad...sobad nowIm Bluer than Blue...
A state well past the 'normal' state of Blues, that neither you n'or I could even understand,... no-one could possibly be That Blue...because That blue looks just like Black .!!!
Interesting how English fingers have generated the best blues techniques!
Gee, Uncle, I think us colonials might have to disagree with you a bit on that one. While I do not dispute the expertise of Messrs Clapton, Page, Lee, Beck, et. al., may I remind you of the blues prowess of the following esteemed perfomers:
B. B. King
Johnny Winter
Stevie Ray Vaughan
Buddy Guy
Bonnie Raitt
OK gang, how about a "DIY blues" start up with
"Woke up this morning, found my iron was cold" (or I hope somethig funnier) and go from there.. :D
I'd have to disagree too Unk... I won't dispute the brits have played some hellishly good blues, and its a opinion of course, but to my ear they (not all, clapton ok..) tends to play alot of notes, not a bad thing, but theres alot to be said for a few notes that sing rather than alot being flashy. (BB King for example, a few notes but damn, what notes, Albert King etc). And no I don't hold that BLues is necessarily a american artform, every country has its form of blues (Anyone ever listening to Celtic folksongs can tell its a blues form). And yeah, I'm white, graying in the face, but can cut up the blues with the best of them, and not to be boastful, but playing my 47' hollowbody through a tube amp and hitting some choice notes really gets the attention at the club dominated by strat clapton clones. As I said its a opinion and a matter of taste of course, and I do like Clapton's stuff don't get me wrong there, just prefer earlier stuff before ya'll got here hehe... :D
Regards,
Lone
Woke up this mornin', my soldering iron was cold,
Coffee tastes like motor oil, toast be green with mold;
Smell of solder fumes hangin' heavy in the air,
Looked roun' for my woman, an' Lord, she wasn't there!
Woke up this morning, and my soldering iron was cold
Ooohh Woke up this morning, and my sweet soldering iron was cold
I scream "this is too bad, bad, bad,
The soldering iron was like gold"
I tried to buy another one, but I love my soldering iron
I can't substitute it, because I love my soldering iron
And I need to be conform
The soldering iron is gone forever
Then you can make a slow and big solo and repeat all. Just put some feelings in this :P.