Some new stompbox's for you .... :D

[MartyMart]

NEW AND IMPROVED EFFECTS PEDALS FOR MUSICIANS

Time distortion: Makes guitar solos seem longer.

Blame shifter: Shifts the pitch of mistakes down one octave so that the audience thinks it was the bass player.

Depander: Filters out pop cover songs.

Active Pickups: Amplifies "signals" sent to attractive audience members.

Fluff Box: Filters out excessive musical substance.

Phaser: Phases out un-wanted band members without them knowing.

Low capacatance device: Makes low audience numbers appear like a full house.

Noise eliminator: Sprays Super Glue over the drummers arms.

Noise gate: Automatically shuts the mics off over the drum kit during a guitar solo.

Rehash: Stores and plays back your favorite riffs constantly and forever.

Feedback Eliminator: Drowns out "constructive criticism."

Band Pass Filter: Eliminates sexual advances between band members.

Depressor: Changes any chord to E minor.

Paralytic Equalizer: Makes you as good as other guitarists by injecting them with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Re-mixer: Re-arranges perfectly good songs so they sound different but are exactly the same.

Pitch shifter: Makes the rhythm player's request for more lead work sound like he can actually play.

TS-1 (Talent Stretcher): All the above effects in one convenient pedal-pack.

Cry-Baby Wah-Wah:  Makes the guitar truly sound like its master.

Choruckus:  Thickens sounds by adding successive layers of hiss and noise.

Ring Modulator: Subtly converts wedding-rings into pinky-rings when in presence of sexy audience members.

Trouble-O: Changes the relative volume of your instrument so that you can't hear it clearly anymore.

De-esser: Gives vintage down-trodden slave effect.

Bottle-neck slide:  Gives one the ability to play instrument while drinking beer, emphasizing "pro" capabilities.

Echo: Takes mundane lyrics and turns them into a Greek tragedy.

Nose-gate: Safety-device to keep fans from getting too close to your stage effects.

Flannel-ger: Makes instruments sound like 1992-1994.

Hammy-bar: Used to help guitarists make difficult transition from success to superstardom.

Slap-back delay: Adds/subtracts time needed to yield a complimentary phase.

Reverboration: Ominizes weak vocals.

Pop-garde: New effect that turns simple little ditties into critically acclaimed hymns-for-a-generation.

Dilettante-Delay: Tricks audience from seeing though inadequate musicianship by adding sheen to musician's sound.

Grand Funk Equalizer: Makes everyone sound like an American Band.

NEW! Bass Blame Shifter: Removes sustain from all your clams so that the audience thinks it was the drummer.

NEW! EgoPlex: Makes you sound louder in your monitor mix.

NEW! CryBaby: Makes rhythm guitarists happy they don't get to solo.


A friend emailed this lot to me     

Marty.

[alteredsounds]

I need a EgoPlex!

[Paul Marossy]

Love it! 

[stm]

I don't see a great booster: the Talent Booster! 

[Paul Marossy]

How about:

The Looper -- it inserts you into the information loop that other bandmates are wanting to keep from you.
Talk Box -- with this device you can sing louder than the lead singer.
Tube Driver -- turns your guitar into a pipe organ.

[squidsquad]

Thanks for the chuckles Marty...and nice additions Paul!

Back in the day...I'd have wanted:

SOBER STOMP....snaps overly medicated musicians out of the fog.

ANTI SUPER HARD ON....to keep the bass player's testosterone levels in check...heheeeee!

[Big Red]

Blame shifter: Shifts the pitch of mistakes down one octave so that the audience thinks it was the bass player.

lol, classic

[studiostud]

Maybe something a little more random...

Tube Driver:  turns the guitarist into a light rail conductor.

[axemurderforhire]

hi guys im a noob to all this, im wondering has anyone got a schematic for this 

[WGTP]

Good stuff.  SPECIAL FX.   Don't forget the Keeley Mods. 

[studiostud]

hi guys im a noob to all this, im wondering has anyone got a schematic for this 

I've always wanted something where you can turn down the "suck" knob!   

[bassmannate]

NEW AND IMPROVED EFFECTS PEDALS FOR MUSICIANS
Blame shifter: Shifts the pitch of mistakes down one octave so that the audience thinks it was the bass player.

What are you TALKING about?! We don't EVER make mistakes so how on earth could you push the blame off on us? 

[axemurderforhire]

NEW AND IMPROVED EFFECTS PEDALS FOR MUSICIANS
Blame shifter: Shifts the pitch of mistakes down one octave so that the audience thinks it was the bass player.

What are you TALKING about?! We don't EVER make mistakes so how on earth could you push the blame off on us? 

The Blame Shifter MK2:  modified with a solo switch ,shifts blame to everyone and boosts your solo career 

[Der Groovemeister]

Ha ha ha ha! 
Great stuff guys!

[MartyMart]

Seen before but I like it !!

MM.

[Ice-9]

I have to get one of these,

Blame shifter: Shifts the pitch of mistakes down one octave so that the audience thinks it was the bass player.

That is so funny