OT How to sing the blues *Humor*

[Lonehdrider]

HOW TO SING THE BLUES


Most blues begin: “Woke up this mornin’.”


1. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line.


I got a good womanâ€"with the meanest dog in town.


2. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat itâ€"then find something that rhymes. Sort of.


3. The blues are not about limitless choice.


4. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or
a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.


5. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues.
Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.


6. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.


7. The following colors do not belong in the blues:


a. violet
b. beige
c. mauve


8. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall; the lighting is wrong.


Good places for the Blues:


a. the highway
b. the jailhouse
c. the empty bed


Bad places:
a. ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. weekend in the Hamptons


9. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.


10. Do you have the right to sing the blues?


Yes, if


a. your first name is a southern state--like Georgia
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis.
d. you can't be satisfied.


No, if


a. you were once blind but now can see.
b. you're deaf
c. you have a trust fund.


11. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.


12. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues.


Other blues beverages are:


a. wine
b. Irish whiskey
c. muddy water


Blues beverages are NOT:
a. any mixed drink
b. any wine kosher for Passover
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
d. Anything from Starbucks

13. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a blues death if you die during liposuction treatment.


14. Some Blues names for Women


a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie


Some Blues Names for Men


a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Lightning


Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.


Other Blues Names (Starter Kit)


a. Name of Physical infirmity (blind, cripple, asthmatic)
b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (lemon, lime, kiwi)
c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)


15. Epitaph on a blues musician's tombstone: "I didn't wake up this mornin.’"

[Phorhas]

WOOOO HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL LOL LOL

that was FUNNY man!!!                

got more?

[MarkB]

make your own Blues names...
http://synth.no/node/view/185
http://www.webticker.com/blues/
"-)

[Hal]

is that the thing off analog man's website... ?

[Sic]

OMFG, hahaha


Brilliant!

[smoguzbenjamin]

:mrgreen: LOL. But why can't teenagers sing the blues?

[Gringo]

Hey, a must for any bluesman is to be mistreated, dont forget that

Sleepy Legs Parker.

[smoguzbenjamin]

Hmm so if I get my girlfriend to kick me in the privates, would that count?

[Marcos - Munky]

COOOLLLLL  :twisted:  :twisted:  :twisted: .

[JonC]

Hmm so if I get my girlfriend to kick me in the privates, would that count?

Damn, talk about suffering for your art!

[Kilby]

Hmm so if I get my girlfriend to kick me in the privates, would that count?

THat's PMT and dosn't count

[uncle boko]

You've forgotten - take out teeth / put guitar out of tune / play useless solo!

[smoguzbenjamin]

:mrgreen: Ghehe lol

[Ge_Whiz]

Q: Can blue men sing the whites?

[Impaler]

:mrgreen: LOL. But why can't teenagers sing the blues?

Teenagers live with their parents and have nothing to be "blue" about. They are cared for. Jus cuz mommy won't let you go to the mall on a friday night with your "G's" and yer girl don't constitute anything remotley close to the blues  :wink:

[smoguzbenjamin]

Actually my 'mommy' threw me outta the house Long story I won't elaborate.
So I get the exclusive right to sing the blues

[Impaler]

You better have shot a man in Memphis then lol

[smoguzbenjamin]

:mrgreen: Ghehe

[slajeune]

Hey smoguzbenjamin,

maybe you can sing "I woke up this morning and my soldering iron was gone"!!!  :lol:

Steph.

[smoguzbenjamin]

That's true! :mrgreen: Well OK it's kind of exploded due to a short but anyway :mrgreen: Mmmm I can sing a blues about that